To chat or not to chat...that is the question.

When you are dealing with preteens and young teens, you should insist that your children chat only in rooms and channels monitored by live and trained monitors, not bots (software applications designed to keep the peace and enforce the terms of serve in chat rooms). I also recommend that children and preteens be limited to child and preteen chat rooms (note that special laws in the U.S. may require your written consent for your preteen to chat online)and kept off IRC, which is still considered the Wild West of the Internet, until you're sure they can handle themselves. Even then, make sure they stay in the clean channels. (WiredKids has its own monitored chat rooms for member children and teens. You can learn more about this at WiredKids.org.)

You should also check to see whether the monitored chat rooms are monitored twenty-four hours a day or just during certain hours. Many parents have complained to me about choosing a chat room or chat service because of the fact that it monitors chat, only to find that the monitoring is available only during certain hours. Most of the responsible children's chat room areas post the hours when they are open and when monitors are in attendance. Smart kids' sites have their chat operators close the chat room whenever monitors aren't in attendance.

The secret to keeping your children safe in chat is teaching them not to give out personal information online. But some children still share too much information to be safe. If you've tried everything, and your kids still share too much personal information online, there are software tools that can be programmed to block certain outgoing information, like their names, addresses, and telephone numbers. Other products can capture all communications and let you see exactly, word for word, what your kids are saying online. (But many people feel this is overkill. If you resort to products like these, make sure you warn your children that you're using software to monitor their communications - otherwise, it's like reading their diary.)

Parry Aftab is a noted online safety and privacy expert, and Executive Director of WiredSafety.org